Rise and shout!

BYU 26, U of U 23

'nuff said

It's a movie and I'll cry if I want to

The first time it happened I never saw it coming.

Ray and I rode our bikes to the budget movie on campus (remember those?) for a date. They were showing It's a Wonderful Life, and I had never seen it. It started at the scene where Jimmy Stewart is wandering around town seeing what life would have been like had he never lived. He runs into his wife Mary, who of course does not recognize him. Huge, wrenching sobs came out of me. I could not stop crying no matter how hard I tried. I cried until the end of the movie, and I cried all the way home on my bike. This was not a calm, quiet, dignified weeping. No, it was embarrassingly loud, out of control sobbing. When we arrived at my apartment, my roommates thought someone had died. There was absolutely no accounting for my hysterical reaction to the movie.

The next time it happened was in 1994. We went to see Forrest Gump with several couple friends.

It started toward the end of the movie, when Forrest is standing in the cemetery. I felt it coming. I told Ray, “I’ve got to get out of here FAST.” I think he thought I was nuts. I practically ran out of the building, to the car, where I cried and cried, trying desperately to stop before everyone else came out. I must have looked a wreck, and I’m sure people must have thought I was nuts to lose it so bad.

The third time was in 1996. We were in Portland, and went to see Up Close and Personal .

The television close-up on his boots at the end did me in. We were with another couple, so I ran out in the hall, and tried to find a secluded place – without much luck.

Wednesday night was the most recent happening. We went to see The Blind Side.

I cried through parts of the movie in a respectable manner (just so everyone knows, it is a sweet movie, and no one else will react like I did). But at the end, I felt the wave of emotion coming. I squeezed Ray’s hand and said “Let’s get out of here!” I was barely managing to hold it together, so he didn’t really catch on. I tried to go out a back door, but he insisted on going all the way to the front. I’m sure he was wondering why I was almost at a run. Unfortunately, he had dropped me off, so I had to wait for him to know where the car was. Once in the car, it all came out.

I cry at the drop of a hat—The Star-spangled Banner, flags in parades, Christmas music, soldiers in uniform, watching families reunite at the airport—you catch my drift. I’ve cried watching movies for years—normal crying, not wrenching, emotional sobbing. Anyone who has seen these movies knows that crying like that is not warranted. All I can think is that I must have really had a need to seriously cry.

This is why I always ask if a movie is sad, or if someone dies in it before I go see it. My children know this. They wisely warn me. I try to gauge my emotional well-being and determine whether I should see the movie, or wait and see it another time. (After Ray saw Terms of Endearment, he told me I must never, ever see it under any circumstances.) I don’t mind seeing sad movies; I just need to be prepared.

The Blind Side

thecinemasource.com

The true story of Michael Oher. See it.

Mr. Darcy's Dream by Elizabeth Aston

Elizabeth Aston's books are Jane Austen drivatives, lighter in topic, and shorter in scope. In other words, mostly a romance with a slight Austen flavor. I've enjoyed all her previous books, but I felt this one was lacking. It went along just fine, then wrapped everything up in about 10 pages. The book wasn't that long in the first place - it deserved a better ending.

If her next book does it again, I'm done, and moving on to someone else.

A new look!

Thanks to Audrey for putting together my new blog design, and the design for Crazy Ladies as well. Great job!

She's still working on some new elements for me, and I can't wait!

I love school!

Travelin'Oma's writing seminar, School Days, is coming to an end this week. It has been twelve weeks of writing assignments and suggestions, and I have really enjoyed it. Oma has put in hours and hours and hours of work to put our schoolwork together, providing thought provoking ideas.

Some of the topics have been easy to write about, some have made me squirm. It has often been difficult to find some peace and quiet for writing, but then I noticed that even when it is peaceful and/or quiet, I have still had a hard time putting into words my thoughts and feelings. I think it has gotten a little easier for me over the last few months.

Twelve weeks! This whole thing started August 31, and it is nearly Thanksgiving. I didn't know I had it in me. Even when I went out of town I did all the assignments when I got home. I feel a terrific sense of accomplishment.

I have always loved school. I love almost all aspects of learning. My very first post I wrote on my blog was about learning. You can read it here. I never ditched school - I couldn't think of anything better to do. Ray makes fun of me and adds the comment "and she lived less than a mile from the beach!" I loved going to college and expanding my knowledge there. I have often dreamed of going back to school. One time when we brought one of our kids to BYU for the school year we were in the BYU Bookstore buying textbooks for the upcoming semester. I was wandering the aisles, pulling books off the shelves and perusing them. I don't know how long I was doing that, but Ray came up to me, put his arm around me, and said, "Someday you'll be able to come back here and take some classes." (We lived in Kirkland, WA at the time). I clung to that thought for a long, long time.

Well, here we are in Utah. Fairly close to BYU and several other colleges, but somehow I stay busy, and the prospect of taking a class or two has not seriously entered my mind. I occasionally entertain the idea, but I haven't followed through on it yet.

All this is to explain why I have pushed myself to complete this writing seminar, even when it hasn't been convenient, and we only have to do the work if we want. It has helped my writing, and I am feeling better about my self-discipline also.

I know this has been a very intense endeavor for Travelin'Oma. She was ill one day, her husband had a heart attack, she went out of town twice, yet she persevered and kept up on her end of the seminar. Is that amazing, or what? If she does another writing seminar, I would do it again. One of our homework options for today was to offer a suggestion for the next writing seminar. I have a couple of suggestions:

1. To ease the burden on our lovely course instructor, perhaps have the assignments given once a week, maybe on Monday, with assignments due in by Friday.

2. Perhaps do a few seminars by single topic - a few weeks on books/reading, a few weeks on travel, or whatever topic she would like to choose.

Whatever she chooses, I know it will be well done, and a good challenge for those of us who decide to participate.

ER

To the untrained eye, this would appear simply to be a tunnel piece from a Brio train set:

However, a discerning eye would note its possible use in a sword fight as a laser that should be projected (thrown) at the enemy.

This afternoon there were lots of giggles and laughter as Austin and Matthew were playing sword fight with Brio train pieces. Their mother insisted they stop, and as most two- and four-year-old boys would do, they went in the other room and continued to do it anyway. Within just a few minutes great screams of anguish erupted. Austin was wounded and came running out with blood seeming to be everywhere. Once he was washed up we found all the blood to be coming from a cut just above his lip, about one half inch in length. Ray examined it all carefully and determined that because the cut went all the way through to the inside of Austin's mouth we should take him to the ER. Ray patched him up with a spiderman moustache (bandaid) and Audrey, Austin and I went to the hospital. The reason I went along was that Audrey passes out just thinking of the sight of blood - so I was the backup maternal figure.

While we were getting ready to go, I asked Matthew what had happened. He said, "We play swords. I shot the laser at Austin." This is when he showed me the laser (see above picture).


All the way to the hospital Austin tried to reassure Audrey that he felt much better, and it would be just fine if we went back home. To no avail. We went to the hospital anyway.

Audrey holding Austin - she does great with no blood in sight.

Austin waiting patiently for the doctor to come. Because his pajamas are red you can't see all the blood spatters.

He has no idea what is in store!

Here's the cut, pre-stitches. Luckily it was a very clean cut with nice straight edges. What an accurate laser!

Austin did so well! He did scream pretty loudly as they injected straight into the cut several times to numb the area. They had put a numbing cream on first, but it didn't seem to be very effective. Once it was numb they put in three stitches. He laid there very calmly, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. Audrey sat next to the chair, held his hand, and put her head down below her knees. I stayed right there the whole time. I was much better than I would have been with my own children.

Back at home! Three stitches with a steri-strip covering.

The nurse asked Austin what his favorite color is. He said orange. She went out and got an orange sucker, two stickers, and this orange teddy bear. On the way home he said to me, "Next time I will sword fight with Matthew and go back and get a brown bear!" Isn't it amazing what a little anesthetic will do for the pain? I wonder if he'll still be so enthusiastic about doing it all over again when he is no longer numb.

Ex Libris - Confessions of a Common Reader by Anne Fadiman

If you are a reader, if you are driven to examine the written word, you must read this book. You will find yourself in the essays written here.

Anne Fadiman is no common writer, and I suspect, not truly a common reader. She is extraordinary in capturing the essence of the reader and his'er quirks, foibles, and delights.

I love this book. It speaks to my reader soul. If you love to read, if you love books, if you love words, you need to read this book.

The book is a collection of essays that Fadiman wrote for a magazine, and I enjoyed every one of them. There is something about glimpsing the soul of another reader that is refreshing and validating. There is a commonality among readers that is binding, yet we are all different at the same time. I guess that is what keeps the publishing business alive and well.

School of Thought

This is the last of the final exams. (Friday is School of Thought) Next week is class reviews, then the writing seminar by Travelin’Oma is done. It has been very time consuming, but I’ve enjoyed having to think about different things for writing. Some have been easy, and some have been hard, making me think about things I’ve tried to hide from for awhile. I will miss doing this on a regular basis.

Here is the quiz. My answers are in blue.

Are You A Fascinating Person?
1. Are you updated on current affairs? Do you follow the latest news? I feel pretty on top of things. I read the newspaper almost daily, and discuss current events with my husband.
2. In a one-one conversation, do you talk more or do you listen more? I would like to say that I listen more, but I’m afraid maybe I talk more.
3. Do you like trying out new things like visiting a new restaurant, trying out a new sport, etc? New restaurant, yes, without hesitation. New sport? Hmm, depends on the sport. I’m not so brave there.
4. Do you devote time to your dress and appearance before you go out? More now than I used to, thank heavens!
5. Are there any secrets about you that you haven't shared with even close friends? Yes, definitely. And I don’t plan on sharing them here.
6. Are you game for adventurous stuff? Sometimes, but not as much as I’d like. I’m a low adventure girl who married a high adventure man. It’s helped me be a little braver.
7. Do you manage to get introduced to new people in parties and indulge in long conversations? I’m a talker. That is why it is unusual that I feel very uncomfortable meeting new people – I can never think of what to say. If they are friendly and help me out, I like it. I’m getting better at this.
8. Are you a well-read person? I like to think so.
9. Are you a well-traveled person? More traveled than many, not as well-traveled as a lot of people I know.
10. Can you make people laugh? I hope so.

Are you a confident person?
1. Can you choose a new outfit alone? Yes. But I like shopping/choosing with other people. I like the feedback.
2. You walk into a room full of people. Suddenly you find everybody watching you. Do you become terribly self-conscious? Probably.
3. You reach the airport to find that your flight got canceled in the last minute. What would you do? I would want to cry, but then I would go to the counter and begin figuring out how to fix the problem.
4. You enter a posh restaurant to find everybody else in formal clothes. You are wearing casuals. Would it ruin your evening? I don’t think so. If they let me in the restaurant in the clothes I was wearing, I think I would just enjoy the meal (if it were good).
5. You are at a job interview in a big corporation. Suddenly you find out that the CEO himself is conducting the interview. Do you panic? I would like to say no, but as I’ve never been in that situation, nor can imagine being in that situation, I don’t really know.
6. You are attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker wants you to come on the stage to give your views. Will you get jittery? Probably not.
7. You are enjoying a party with your new date. Suddenly your ex walks in. What do you do? This is a situation I have never encountered. I would like to think I would be mature and calm. I sure have ideas of how I think I should act. But, who knows how I would really act?
8. Are you afraid of visiting families that have suffered a death? Not at all
9. Would you go and visit a dying person? Yes, and I have done so.
10. If someone embarrassed you in public, you would you react? I would likely be embarrassed and turn quite red (I can’t seem to help that reaction). I hope I could almost pretend it didn’t happen. But I don’t know if I could really do that.

Are you a crafty person?
1. What do you call the art of folding paper? origami
2. What is the name of the fabric commonly used for cross stitch? Okay, this is embarrassing. I’ve done so much cross stitch, and my mind is blank right this second. I am taking the high road and not cheating and looking it up. I do know that I prefer working in the 14 count weave.
3. What is papier-mâché? It is making sculptures by using paper that has been moistened and dipped into a hardening substance. (Commonly used things used in elementary school are newspaper, and a flour based hardener, or starch based hardener.)
4. Is acrylic yarn natural or man-made? Man-made
5. Where does mohair come from? From a goat??
6. With which piece of crafting equipment would you use a shuttle? Weaving
7. How many threads are twisted together in a typical skein of embroidery floss? Six
8. What do pinking shears do? They cut in a zig-zag design. It is useful when cutting fabric where you want to minimize fraying.
9. Old sewing machines were powered by using your feet. What was the foot pedal called? The treadle.
10. Is a Spinning Jenny used for making pots or making yarn? Making yarn.
11. What is Kumihimo? I have no idea.
12. Which craft would you be doing if you were making a plant hanger by knotting long lengths of rope? Macramé.
13. In which craft would you use the stippling technique? Quilting!
14. What are lazy daisy, french knot, stem and blanket? Embroidery stitches.
15. Which craft tool cuts out a shape from paper or card when you press on it? Die-cut.
16. What is a highly scented purple/blue flower often used in scented sachets? Lavender.
17. What is gutta used for? No idea.
18. What is repoussage? No idea.
19. Is whittling a wood craft or a wool craft? Wood craft.
20. What do you call the hole in a needle where you push the thread through? The eye.

By the way, the answers to the crafty questions can be found here. I guessed my best, and was surprised at how well I did. I can't believe how many different crafts I have done over the years.

Family Matters

Today is Thursday's Final Exam: Family Matters from Travelin'Oma.

What's your opinion on family matters? Answer these questions yes or no.
1. I usually celebrate my birthday with family. Yes
2. I try to participate in my extended family functions and gatherings. Yes
3. If my friend's birthday and my nephew's birthday fell on the same day, I would go to my nephew's birthday party. No
4. I would love to spend New Year's Eve with my family. Yes
5. Most of my movie outings and picnics are with family. Yes
6. I know all my cousins. Yes
7. In case of any great news, I inform my relatives (siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) first. Yes 8. If I have any problems, I share them and consult with my family. Yes
9. My family is a good support to me. Yes
10. I support family members in their times of need. Yes
11. I can name my children's best friends. Yes
12. I can name my partner's best friends. Yes
13. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. Yes
14. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. Yes
15. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. Yes
16. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. Yes
17. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. Yes
18. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. Yes
19. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. Yes
20. My partner really respects me. Yes
21. I respect my partner. Yes
22. I notice what my partner does for me and express appreciation. Yes
23. My partner generally likes my personality. Yes
24. I like my partner's personality. Yes
25. At the end of the day I am glad to see my partner. Yes
26. I listen respectfully to my dad, even when we disagree. Yes
27. I am beginning to understand my mom. Yes
28. I check up on my married siblings often. Yes
29. I have developed friendships with my brothers/sisters-in-law. Yes
30. I occasionally call my aunts and uncles just to say hi. No
31. I am trying to forgive family members who have treated me poorly in the past. Yes
32. I know my grandmother's maiden names. Yes
33. I know my great-grandparent's names. Yes
34. My kids know what my dad did for a living. Yes
35. I am consciously trying to strengthen my family. Yes

Think about the questions you answered "no." Do they matter to you?
Question 3 – we don’t usually celebrate birthdays with our nieces and nephews on the exact day. If one of them called and specifically asked if I would attend, then I would choose that over my friend.
Question 30 – All of my aunts are dead, and only one uncle is still living.

Essay Questions:
1. Name five qualities of your mom or dad that you most respect and admire.
I’ll refer you to a post about each of them: my mom here, and my dad here.

2. Which of those qualities are also true about you?
Like my mom, I like to laugh – which to me means enjoying life. Recently an old high school friend, whom I haven’t seen since high school, connected with me on Facebook. She said, “I remember laughing together a lot in high school.” That made me feel good. I want people to think of me as a happy person.

I would like to be as patient and kind as my dad. I don’t think I’m all the way there yet, but I’m working on it.

My parents are all about people being the most important part of life. That’s how I feel, and I hope my actions match my ideal.

Are you a bookworm?

Wednesday's topic has been Bookshelf Seminar for the Travelin'Oma writing seminar. Here are today's quiz and essay:

Before I get to the quiz, let me note that my Washington state license plate was BOOKWRM. When I moved to Utah, that license was not available. I was crushed, but settled for BOOKS. My family prefers BOOKS, but I don't. Books are what I love. A Bookworm is what I am. (That said - the good news about BOOKS is it's short enough I could have it on a BYU plate. BOOKWRM would not have fit...so I guess I'm all right with the compromise.)

Quiz:

1. Do you own more than 100 books? I own more than 1000 books

2. Do you read any book or magazine that is handy? Yes, I read anything that is handy that has words on it.

3. Have you ever read the cereal box? How else can you eat breakfast unless you are reading what’s on the cereal box? If I don't have a cereal box handy I read the newspaper or do a crossword puzzle.

4. Do you have a membership with the local library? I’ve had a membership with the local library since I was about five years old.

5. Do you go to the library more than once a week? I used to go to the library more often. I stock up on books so I don’t usually need to go more than once a week.

6. Would you rather read a book than go out with friends? No. I would rather spend time with friends. They are not always around. I can always find a book.

7. Do you visit the bookstore more often than you do your mother? Yes indeed. Of course, my mother lives 800 miles away, and the bookstore is less than five miles away.

8. Do you wear glasses? If so, was reading the reason you got them? I do wear glasses. I started wearing glasses when I was ten, so I have no idea if reading was the reason I needed them.

9. When asked your favorite hobbies, do you reply with a single word "reading?" Reading is certainly the first thing I list when naming hobbies. I also like to quilt.

10. Have you ever stayed in bed all day reading? Hasn’t everyone??? That would be my ideal day – a good book in bed with maybe a little chocolate once in a while.

Essay question: What book am I currently reading?

I’m currently reading Ex Libris Confessions of a Common Reader by Anne Fadiman. I read it several years ago, and chose it to present to my book group this month. It’s tomorrow night, and I’m still re-reading the book. The book is only about 150 pages, but it is taking a while because I’m reading the notes (marginalia, as Fadiman calls it) that I wrote the last time I read it, as well as adding more marginalia this time. I want to underline almost everything in the book because I want to remember it. Fadiman somehow has captured the essence of much of how I feel about reading.

The book is comprised of 18 essays written by Anne Fadiman and compiled into this book. In the preface she quotes from The Common Reader by Virginia Woolf: "The common reader 'differs from the critic and the scholar. He is worse educated, and nature has not gifted him so generously. He reads for his own pleasure rather than to impart knowledge or correct the opinions of others.' ”

I am a common reader, but I believe the critic and scholar will also benefit from reading this book, and enjoy it at the same time.

Bon Voyage!

I should have mentioned that this is exam week for Travelin’Oma’s writing seminar. Monday’s assignments have been Write Away. Tuesday’s have been Travel Studies – so here’s the final exam for today.

Travel questions:

1. My travel style is to get away from it all. For me that means someplace relaxing, usually with sun (my recent cruise being the exception). I love to travel with my husband, and having friends along really makes a trip great.

2. and 3. The older I get, and the more I travel, I find I can bring fewer clothes. This last trip Ray and I brought one suitcase each. We were able to pack for a week on a cruise, and that included two formal nights. Even when I thought I was cutting back on what I brought, there were clothes I took that I didn’t wear.

4. I read this question two different ways, and I will answer it two different ways. Given the following choices, where would I prefer to travel:

~ Alaska or Tahiti

~ India or China

~ Kenya or Greenland

If you look at this question as A, B, or C, I would choose A. Alaska or Tahiti. I’ve been to both and really enjoyed them. I’m not a high adventure traveler, so these would fit me well.

If you look at the question as choosing between the two in each instance, here’s how I would pick:

~ Tahiti

~China

~ Kenya

5. I like a comfortable hotel, but don’t require a lot. I like it clean, with a comfortable bed. The next requirement is a nice shower. Of course, if given the opportunity, and if I had all the money in the world, I would choose a luxury hotel. Two favorites that I’ve enjoyed: The Salish Lodge in Snoqualmie, Washington, and The Hotel du Rhone in Geneva Switzerland.

6. My food preferences on a holiday are simple. I don’t want to eat really weird stuff, and food is not where I like to throw a lot of money. When we were in Europe, we bought food at the local market and ate that for breakfast and in the evening. We ate a good lunch at a restaurant later in the afternoon, and that worked well.

7. Where I go determines how I travel on a holiday. On a cruise we do a lot of walking in port, or hire cars to take us where we want to go. In Hawaii we either borrow my sister’s car, or rent a car. When we were in Washington DC we used public transportation.

8. and 10. My dream vacation would include a beach that has shade as well as sun, and a pile of books to work my way through while I relaxed near the water. I would occasionally get in and swim to cool off.

9. If I were to be hiking with my friends, it would be an easy hike. Hiking is not really my choice of a fun thing to do.

11. I love amusement parks! I love the “throw-up rides”. Give me a roller coaster and let me scream my heart out any day. I should say I love the rides part of amusement parks. I do not love crowds at all.

12. The only way I would go bungee jumping would be if I were blindfolded and someone pushed me off. I do not like heights at all.

13. When I go camping I like to make my food ahead to bring, then just warm it up when it’s meal time. I like simple meals, but they need to be filling.

14. My favorite memory of road trips with my kids was listening to books on tape. We made several trips without my husband, and the books kept me awake while driving. The one book we listened to each trip was Cheaper by the Dozen, which my children can still quote lines from. We laughed and giggled while listening to that book. We listened to other books also, but that was always the favorite.

15. If I were in Washington DC for a long weekend, I would be torn as to what to do. I would probably spend a day at the Lincoln/Vietnam, etc. Memorials, and the rest of the time at the Smithsonian museums.

Here’s our family story about the Smithsonian Air and Space museum. We went there in 2001 as a family, and my in-laws came too. The kids were 20, 18, 15, and 13. We decided to split up to look at the museum. My husband and son (15) went together, my in-laws took off, and the girls and I decided to explore together. We made plans to meet for lunch in a few hours. Lunchtime arrived and we met as planned. The girls and I were done and ready to hit the art museums. My in-laws were about halfway through. Ray and Ray had never left the first room they entered. Needless to say we split up for the afternoon.

Speaking of Washington DC, that’s where I decided to plan a trip for our assignment. I set the timer and got to work. Hotels were my biggest worry. I don’t have to stay right in the middle of the big tourist area, but I do want to be close to the metro. From our brief stay in DC before, we found the metro to be a wonderful solution for getting around easily. I found a hotel very reasonably priced, only one block from the metro, and close to Capitol Hill that had very high ratings. I found a flight that was convenient on both ends, and was non-stop, which I prefer if the cost is pretty close. I hate sitting around in airports when you could be at your destination, or at home, instead.

To make the best plans for a trip I like more time. I like to savor the planning as well as the trip. I love to be able to go at a moment’s notice, but the best trips are planned in advance, with lots of dream time. I also like to talk to those who have been there many times or who live there to get their input. It’s good to stay in safe areas, with good access to the city’s attractions. I also like to get restaurant recommendations.

Lucia, Lucia by Adriana Trigiani

I thought this was a very fun book. The book takes place in New York City in the early 1950's. Lucia has grown up in Greenwich Village - in a traditional Italian family. She makes custom clothes for the "uptown crowd."

It was fun to have a glimpse of that life, which in reality no longer exists the way it used to.

It would be a great read for a vacation, or anytime for that matter.

(Trigiani wrote the Big Stone Gap books, which I also really liked)

Am I right for writing?

Travelin’Oma has posed 10 questions, and we need to answer these questions. Then we’re looking at our answers and see where writing fits into our life.

1. If the power in my house went out, and I was stuck with candles and nothing to do but think, I would find the nearest book and begin reading.

2. If I’m writing and the phone rings, I answer it immediately. Well, maybe I would finish the sentence I was writing if I thought it was a particularly good sentence (which means I would likely answer the phone immediately).

3. If the person calling was a dear friend who wanted to get together for brunch, I’d drop everything and go be with my friend.

4. I’m at the restaurant with my friend and the idea for a fantastic novel pops in my head. I would hunt around for something to write it on – it would be a once in a lifetime occurrence!

5. and 6. I don’t really envision myself as a successful writer in a public forum. I just enjoy writing little things, and on my blog.

7. I figure the biggest benefit of becoming a writer might be to get to know other writers, and pick their brains about how they feel about writing.

8. I read incessantly. I read whenever I can and wherever I can. I am driven to read billboards, and the writing on cars and trucks as they pass me on the highway. I read the labels on the toilet paper in public bathrooms. You name it. If there are words, my mind is processing them.

9. If I have strong opinions about a political issue, I discuss it with my husband or son.

10. If I have an experience that I think would benefit others, I would write about it on my blog.

I love reading what others have written. I am not driven to write at all. I enjoy writing on my blog, and occasionally to express things I feel deeply to my friends.

For a while I was an English major in college. Of course I loved the literature part, but dreaded the writing. Perhaps it’s because of an experience I had in high school. I think it was my junior year in high school. I took a short story literature class from a man who turned out to be one of the best teachers I ever had, but my first writing experience in his class scarred me for a long time.

We read The Open Boat by Stephen Crane, then wrote an essay. I don’t remember the topic, but I remember clearly what happened about two days after we had all turned in our papers. The teacher said he wanted to talk about our writing. He had taken one of the papers turned in, made an overhead transparency out of it, and showed it to the entire class. He had cut out the name, so no one knew who wrote the paper. He then proceeded to criticize the entire paper, sentence by sentence, pointing out every mistake. There were a lot of mistakes. It was my paper. I remember staring at the paper projected on the screen, my face beet red, hoping no one in the class was looking at me. It was humiliating. He was very discreet, and really no other students knew who it was, but I thought I was going to die. After spending the class period criticizing my paper, he passed out everyone’s papers. I got mine back. He wrote something to the effect of the paper deserved an F, but he knew I’d worked too hard on it to give me the F. He gave me a chance to write it over again. I did. I took seriously what he had said, and got a much better grade. That man really helped me learn how to write. But he did not help me learn to love to write.

I’m happy appreciating the hard work of others and the results of their being driven to write. I may not be the perfect candidate to be a writer, but I am the perfect audience for a writer.

Where is my child?

This is in response to Travelin'Oma's writing assignment for today - a subject that hit close to home.

I do not suffer from depression. I have no idea what it feels like. But two of my four children do. So I know what it feels like to be a mom who feels helpless in a sometimes terrifyingly alone way, wondering how to help.

My kids have what I call “adult onset depression”. They did not exhibit depression until they were on their own, in college. Gone were the regular schedules they had at home, regular mealtimes, busy school days, sports and activities—all things that helped them keep going on an even keel.

One of them did college pretty well. It was afterward that it hit. She says she doesn’t remember most of her first year of marriage. After she had her first baby she actually improved (which is counter to most situations). We were so relieved. She was better. But still nowhere near where she should be. The improvement was so exciting that we lost track for awhile that it was still not enough. Four years later she’s doing pretty well. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but the ups are getting to be more and more the norm.

My son went to college and did amazingly well his first semester. Then it hit. No response to the phone, no answering emails. I sent his sister to check on him. He said, “Oh, my phone is dead. I forgot to charge it. I forgot to check my email. I’ve been sick, etc. etc.” It took us so long to figure out that something was really wrong. When you don’t expect it, you don’t look for it. He came home for the summer and said,”Uh, I don’t think my grades will be very good.” I asked how bad. “Really bad,” Failing all classes is really bad. My son is a genius. No exaggeration. So this was a big hint that something was wrong. Why are the parents always the last ones to figure out some of these things??

Five years later we are still figuring things out with him. He’s tried several medications, and seems to be doing pretty well right now. He’s seeing a counselor that is very, very helpful. It was a miracle how we found him. That’s a story for another day. My son has a good job, and does very well at it. He’s anxious to get back to school, and will probably start back a little at a time next semester.

Nothing makes my heart ache more than watching these children (grown-ups now) struggle in this fashion. What happened to my delightful, cheerful, kind and loving children? It is so disheartening to see them unable to get out of bed, or off the couch. To see their countenance so low and dark. To know that they themselves are discouraged beyond belief, and have no idea how to shake it off. Then again, I don’t know what is more heartening than to see improvement and life in their faces and voices again.

I don’t know when I’ve prayed harder for help and guidance than in these situations. Thank heaven for the comfort received from that. Thank heaven for modern medications and the inroads into understanding mental health.

Just writing about this makes me anxious and worried, and I feel like crying. I don’t know if I could write about it if they weren’t on the upside right now. Every day is a prayer that things will continue to be good, and to improve.

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

My sister-in-law Amy read this book then called me to see if I'd read it. I had not. She told me I needed to hurry and read it.

I did hurry to request it at the library, but it took a little while to get it. Then things like a cruise and other life events slowed me down in getting started. But I finally got to it.

I loved the first twenty or so pages - there are tons of fabulous quotable lines about books and reading. I kept thinking I should get my book journal and jot them down (unfortunately, I didn't).

After that I settled down and got into the story. It's a Gothic tale, with lots of twists and turns. It certainly kept my attention once I started it. I did feel like it wrapped up a little quickly - almost like the publisher said, "okay, you've hit your page limit." Or the author was tired of the story and decided to just finish it as fast as possible so she could move on to her next project. But by the same token, I was ready to have it wrapped up by then myself, so maybe that's not a fair criticism. Overall, I liked the book.

Trials while traveling

Travelin'Oma's assignment: have you ever been sick while traveling?

I cannot ever recall being sick while traveling. I do, however, recall having my children get sick. One time was the year we flew to my parents’ house in Western New York for Thanksgiving. We were there for two weeks, and all was well until the last two days before we were scheduled to fly home.

Two of the kids came down with fevers and were throwing up. I was desperate to have them recover. I did not want to fly with sick children, but on the other hand, we had no money to pay for changing our flights. The next day the kids seemed better. We kept our fingers crossed and decided to go home as scheduled.

The day to return home arrived, and the kids seemed fine, if not completely back to their usual rambunctious selves. That was in our favor – five hours of flying with subdued children is a bonus.

In my relief that the two were feeling better, I neglected to notice that my youngest (nearly three) was listless and getting warm. Until we were on the plane, and she was leaning up against me I just thought she was tired. No. She was sick. Right after take-off she laid her head in my lap and threw up. I never saw it coming. I am the queen of getting children to a sink, toilet, or bowl if I have any clue they might vomit. I guess it was the hubbub of travel that blinded me to the fact that she wasn’t doing well.

I cleaned us up as well as possible. I hate the idea of exposing others on a plane to sickness, but it was too late to do anything about it. Before we landed she vomited a couple more times. By the time we got off the plane, gathered our luggage and were headed home we were both a mess.

This is a pretty mild case, I must admit. Thankfully that’s about as bad as I’ve ever had it while traveling.

"How can I do this?"

It's Monday, and we're back in school with Travelin'Oma. Today's assignment was timely.

My good friend Trish’s sister died yesterday. She went to the emergency room 12 days ago in pain. Turned out she had a tumor on her adrenal gland. She had surgery to remove the tumor, and things only got worse from there. Over the next ten days her organs shut down one by one. Finally she stopped showing any brain activity. The doctor said if they took her off the ventilator, she would probably only live a few minutes.

Sunday morning the family had some tender moments with her, then the ventilator was removed, and she passed away five minutes later.

How do you prepare for that? How do you get through that? Last Thursday Trish and I were together, and we asked these questions. At that point things were not looking good for her sister, but we were merely speculating. How do you make unemotional, logical decisions in a highly emotional state? How can you know what’s best?

Trish has experienced hard things. Both of her parents have passed away, and now her sister. Trish is my age. My parents are still living, and all of my siblings are still alive. I was with my ninety-eight-year-old grandmother when she died, but that was different. We had none of those decisions to make—she just died peacefully of old age.

I fervently believe in prayer to guide us through these hard times. But I also strongly believe in learning from the experiences of others. I watch and listen, and hope I learn as my friend navigates these difficult waters. Someday I will call her and ask, “How can I do this?” and I know she will be able to help.

Meanwhile I hope I can at least offer some emotional support in these times. Last night we talked about the good times she’s had with her sister lately. About how wonderful and creative her sister was. How her sister is surely with her parents in the spirit world, maybe even playing “Pounce” like they so loved to do.

This is the part I love about death—remembering all the wonderful things about the ones we love; gathering those memories, and holding them close.