Back in the Day

It's a thankless job.

I know, because I had that job, and I had the rewarding version of it.

Educator. Teacher. Example. Influence. These are all words that we in the education system hope that we can embody in the most positive manner possible. I was an elementary school teacher (4th grade, Riverton Elementary) for a few years. I had it easy. Kids are pretty friendly at that stage. They are young, with almost no responsibilities, and no worries about whether or not they can get into college. At least back in late seventies and early eighties that was pretty true.

Teaching high school: now that's a different story. That is life in the trenches. Even back in the early seventies when I was in high school.

Hueneme High was a closed campus. That means students had to have permission to leave and come back on campus. More than that, we had men walking around campus with walkie-talkies and checking hall passes for security. We usually had police on the grounds as well. (This was before DARE, or any PR programs with local police.) It was not uncommon for knives, and sometimes guns to be drawn during the lunch hour. At such times a bomb drill was sounded, and the school emptied in less than one minute. No going to lockers or back to classrooms. A bomb drill meant any activities scheduled for the rest of the day were cancelled. A few of the other local high schools had riots (in one, the principal suffered a heart attack). We never had a full blown riot, probably thanks to the bomb drills.

It is a miracle any teaching happened at all, yet my memories are full of great educational moments.

Today I wrote a thank you note (via email) to my freshman English teacher. She happens to be friends with my in-laws, and I found her email through them. For three months I've been meaning to drop her a note. I finally did it. That spawned a desire to look at the faculty of Hueneme High in my yearbook. Here are a few teachers that have influenced my life for good (pictures scanned from the Hueneme High Voyager 1975):

Ruby Christensen. Ninth grade English. She made the study of Romeo and Juliet a delight and wonder. Shakespeare became a friend instead of a road block because of her. She never lost her cool with very rude and obnoxious students. She would just sigh and send them out of the room, or do whatever else needed to be done. (I have to say it is a little intimidating to write a letter to your former English teacher. Especially these days when form is so relaxed.)

Bennie Anderson. Social Studies. I had him for a few classes. He introduced current events into my life, and made me realize it is important to pay attention to what is going on in the world around me. It was in his class that I had to sadly admit that perhaps Nixon really had committed a wrong. I sooooo wanted Nixon to be innocent.

Robert Arbon. Physical Education. I never had him as a teacher, but he took an interest in my life and my college education. He was always an example of the highest morals. It turns out that he was an extremely great influence in Ray's life while Ray was in high school also. Bob Arbon was one of the first common threads in both our lives. Bob remained a wonderful part of our lives for the remainder of his life.

Nancy Carey. French. The reason I loved the French language so much was because I loved her as a teacher so much. Four years of French in high school, on to major in French at BYU. I didn't stay in that major, because the competition with returned missionaries who were fluent in French was too much for me, but I did get a minor in French.

Camille DeJong. Physical Education. I was never really an athlete. I learned to swim late, and joined the swim team after that. I was never very good, but it was good for me. Miss DeJong was the girls swim team coach, and a mentor for me. She treated me as an adult. She also was a wonderful example of being a single woman, and living life to the fullest.

James Laut. Biology teacher. His class is where I learned to listen to what a teacher says, do what he says, and be successful in his class because of it. He made science fun to a girl who doesn't like science much. I still don't care for the physical sciences (too much math), but I do love the biological sciences. (Side note: his son was in most of my elementary school classes, and I usually had a crush on him--the son, that is.)

Reg Welker. English, baseball coach. Living proof that cool and interesting do not depend on current eye wear styles. He made English fun. He taught great principles while teaching English. His wife died while I was in high school, and he just kept plugging along. Once he gave tickets to me and couple of friends to see Nanette Fabray in Irene at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion when he wasn't able to attend.

Lastly, and most importantly, Dennis Meyring. Physical Education. I never had a single class from Dennis, but he probably influenced my life more during that part of my life than anyone besides my parents. He was my swim coach outside of school, and was the high school boys swim team, and water polo team coach. He set high moral standards for everyone, and kept to those rules, no matter how it might hurt the team to suspend a player. We all respected and looked up to him.

In conclusion, I say thank you to all these teachers, and others I have not singled out. Thank you for rising above a thankless job, performing it to the best of your abilities, and never losing faith in the coming generation. It certainly made a difference in my life.

I love school!

Travelin'Oma's writing seminar, School Days, is coming to an end this week. It has been twelve weeks of writing assignments and suggestions, and I have really enjoyed it. Oma has put in hours and hours and hours of work to put our schoolwork together, providing thought provoking ideas.

Some of the topics have been easy to write about, some have made me squirm. It has often been difficult to find some peace and quiet for writing, but then I noticed that even when it is peaceful and/or quiet, I have still had a hard time putting into words my thoughts and feelings. I think it has gotten a little easier for me over the last few months.

Twelve weeks! This whole thing started August 31, and it is nearly Thanksgiving. I didn't know I had it in me. Even when I went out of town I did all the assignments when I got home. I feel a terrific sense of accomplishment.

I have always loved school. I love almost all aspects of learning. My very first post I wrote on my blog was about learning. You can read it here. I never ditched school - I couldn't think of anything better to do. Ray makes fun of me and adds the comment "and she lived less than a mile from the beach!" I loved going to college and expanding my knowledge there. I have often dreamed of going back to school. One time when we brought one of our kids to BYU for the school year we were in the BYU Bookstore buying textbooks for the upcoming semester. I was wandering the aisles, pulling books off the shelves and perusing them. I don't know how long I was doing that, but Ray came up to me, put his arm around me, and said, "Someday you'll be able to come back here and take some classes." (We lived in Kirkland, WA at the time). I clung to that thought for a long, long time.

Well, here we are in Utah. Fairly close to BYU and several other colleges, but somehow I stay busy, and the prospect of taking a class or two has not seriously entered my mind. I occasionally entertain the idea, but I haven't followed through on it yet.

All this is to explain why I have pushed myself to complete this writing seminar, even when it hasn't been convenient, and we only have to do the work if we want. It has helped my writing, and I am feeling better about my self-discipline also.

I know this has been a very intense endeavor for Travelin'Oma. She was ill one day, her husband had a heart attack, she went out of town twice, yet she persevered and kept up on her end of the seminar. Is that amazing, or what? If she does another writing seminar, I would do it again. One of our homework options for today was to offer a suggestion for the next writing seminar. I have a couple of suggestions:

1. To ease the burden on our lovely course instructor, perhaps have the assignments given once a week, maybe on Monday, with assignments due in by Friday.

2. Perhaps do a few seminars by single topic - a few weeks on books/reading, a few weeks on travel, or whatever topic she would like to choose.

Whatever she chooses, I know it will be well done, and a good challenge for those of us who decide to participate.

School of Thought

This is the last of the final exams. (Friday is School of Thought) Next week is class reviews, then the writing seminar by Travelin’Oma is done. It has been very time consuming, but I’ve enjoyed having to think about different things for writing. Some have been easy, and some have been hard, making me think about things I’ve tried to hide from for awhile. I will miss doing this on a regular basis.

Here is the quiz. My answers are in blue.

Are You A Fascinating Person?
1. Are you updated on current affairs? Do you follow the latest news? I feel pretty on top of things. I read the newspaper almost daily, and discuss current events with my husband.
2. In a one-one conversation, do you talk more or do you listen more? I would like to say that I listen more, but I’m afraid maybe I talk more.
3. Do you like trying out new things like visiting a new restaurant, trying out a new sport, etc? New restaurant, yes, without hesitation. New sport? Hmm, depends on the sport. I’m not so brave there.
4. Do you devote time to your dress and appearance before you go out? More now than I used to, thank heavens!
5. Are there any secrets about you that you haven't shared with even close friends? Yes, definitely. And I don’t plan on sharing them here.
6. Are you game for adventurous stuff? Sometimes, but not as much as I’d like. I’m a low adventure girl who married a high adventure man. It’s helped me be a little braver.
7. Do you manage to get introduced to new people in parties and indulge in long conversations? I’m a talker. That is why it is unusual that I feel very uncomfortable meeting new people – I can never think of what to say. If they are friendly and help me out, I like it. I’m getting better at this.
8. Are you a well-read person? I like to think so.
9. Are you a well-traveled person? More traveled than many, not as well-traveled as a lot of people I know.
10. Can you make people laugh? I hope so.

Are you a confident person?
1. Can you choose a new outfit alone? Yes. But I like shopping/choosing with other people. I like the feedback.
2. You walk into a room full of people. Suddenly you find everybody watching you. Do you become terribly self-conscious? Probably.
3. You reach the airport to find that your flight got canceled in the last minute. What would you do? I would want to cry, but then I would go to the counter and begin figuring out how to fix the problem.
4. You enter a posh restaurant to find everybody else in formal clothes. You are wearing casuals. Would it ruin your evening? I don’t think so. If they let me in the restaurant in the clothes I was wearing, I think I would just enjoy the meal (if it were good).
5. You are at a job interview in a big corporation. Suddenly you find out that the CEO himself is conducting the interview. Do you panic? I would like to say no, but as I’ve never been in that situation, nor can imagine being in that situation, I don’t really know.
6. You are attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker wants you to come on the stage to give your views. Will you get jittery? Probably not.
7. You are enjoying a party with your new date. Suddenly your ex walks in. What do you do? This is a situation I have never encountered. I would like to think I would be mature and calm. I sure have ideas of how I think I should act. But, who knows how I would really act?
8. Are you afraid of visiting families that have suffered a death? Not at all
9. Would you go and visit a dying person? Yes, and I have done so.
10. If someone embarrassed you in public, you would you react? I would likely be embarrassed and turn quite red (I can’t seem to help that reaction). I hope I could almost pretend it didn’t happen. But I don’t know if I could really do that.

Are you a crafty person?
1. What do you call the art of folding paper? origami
2. What is the name of the fabric commonly used for cross stitch? Okay, this is embarrassing. I’ve done so much cross stitch, and my mind is blank right this second. I am taking the high road and not cheating and looking it up. I do know that I prefer working in the 14 count weave.
3. What is papier-mâché? It is making sculptures by using paper that has been moistened and dipped into a hardening substance. (Commonly used things used in elementary school are newspaper, and a flour based hardener, or starch based hardener.)
4. Is acrylic yarn natural or man-made? Man-made
5. Where does mohair come from? From a goat??
6. With which piece of crafting equipment would you use a shuttle? Weaving
7. How many threads are twisted together in a typical skein of embroidery floss? Six
8. What do pinking shears do? They cut in a zig-zag design. It is useful when cutting fabric where you want to minimize fraying.
9. Old sewing machines were powered by using your feet. What was the foot pedal called? The treadle.
10. Is a Spinning Jenny used for making pots or making yarn? Making yarn.
11. What is Kumihimo? I have no idea.
12. Which craft would you be doing if you were making a plant hanger by knotting long lengths of rope? Macramé.
13. In which craft would you use the stippling technique? Quilting!
14. What are lazy daisy, french knot, stem and blanket? Embroidery stitches.
15. Which craft tool cuts out a shape from paper or card when you press on it? Die-cut.
16. What is a highly scented purple/blue flower often used in scented sachets? Lavender.
17. What is gutta used for? No idea.
18. What is repoussage? No idea.
19. Is whittling a wood craft or a wool craft? Wood craft.
20. What do you call the hole in a needle where you push the thread through? The eye.

By the way, the answers to the crafty questions can be found here. I guessed my best, and was surprised at how well I did. I can't believe how many different crafts I have done over the years.

Family Matters

Today is Thursday's Final Exam: Family Matters from Travelin'Oma.

What's your opinion on family matters? Answer these questions yes or no.
1. I usually celebrate my birthday with family. Yes
2. I try to participate in my extended family functions and gatherings. Yes
3. If my friend's birthday and my nephew's birthday fell on the same day, I would go to my nephew's birthday party. No
4. I would love to spend New Year's Eve with my family. Yes
5. Most of my movie outings and picnics are with family. Yes
6. I know all my cousins. Yes
7. In case of any great news, I inform my relatives (siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) first. Yes 8. If I have any problems, I share them and consult with my family. Yes
9. My family is a good support to me. Yes
10. I support family members in their times of need. Yes
11. I can name my children's best friends. Yes
12. I can name my partner's best friends. Yes
13. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. Yes
14. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. Yes
15. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams. Yes
16. I can tell you about my partner's basic philosophy of life. Yes
17. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. Yes
18. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. Yes
19. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. Yes
20. My partner really respects me. Yes
21. I respect my partner. Yes
22. I notice what my partner does for me and express appreciation. Yes
23. My partner generally likes my personality. Yes
24. I like my partner's personality. Yes
25. At the end of the day I am glad to see my partner. Yes
26. I listen respectfully to my dad, even when we disagree. Yes
27. I am beginning to understand my mom. Yes
28. I check up on my married siblings often. Yes
29. I have developed friendships with my brothers/sisters-in-law. Yes
30. I occasionally call my aunts and uncles just to say hi. No
31. I am trying to forgive family members who have treated me poorly in the past. Yes
32. I know my grandmother's maiden names. Yes
33. I know my great-grandparent's names. Yes
34. My kids know what my dad did for a living. Yes
35. I am consciously trying to strengthen my family. Yes

Think about the questions you answered "no." Do they matter to you?
Question 3 – we don’t usually celebrate birthdays with our nieces and nephews on the exact day. If one of them called and specifically asked if I would attend, then I would choose that over my friend.
Question 30 – All of my aunts are dead, and only one uncle is still living.

Essay Questions:
1. Name five qualities of your mom or dad that you most respect and admire.
I’ll refer you to a post about each of them: my mom here, and my dad here.

2. Which of those qualities are also true about you?
Like my mom, I like to laugh – which to me means enjoying life. Recently an old high school friend, whom I haven’t seen since high school, connected with me on Facebook. She said, “I remember laughing together a lot in high school.” That made me feel good. I want people to think of me as a happy person.

I would like to be as patient and kind as my dad. I don’t think I’m all the way there yet, but I’m working on it.

My parents are all about people being the most important part of life. That’s how I feel, and I hope my actions match my ideal.

Are you a bookworm?

Wednesday's topic has been Bookshelf Seminar for the Travelin'Oma writing seminar. Here are today's quiz and essay:

Before I get to the quiz, let me note that my Washington state license plate was BOOKWRM. When I moved to Utah, that license was not available. I was crushed, but settled for BOOKS. My family prefers BOOKS, but I don't. Books are what I love. A Bookworm is what I am. (That said - the good news about BOOKS is it's short enough I could have it on a BYU plate. BOOKWRM would not have fit...so I guess I'm all right with the compromise.)

Quiz:

1. Do you own more than 100 books? I own more than 1000 books

2. Do you read any book or magazine that is handy? Yes, I read anything that is handy that has words on it.

3. Have you ever read the cereal box? How else can you eat breakfast unless you are reading what’s on the cereal box? If I don't have a cereal box handy I read the newspaper or do a crossword puzzle.

4. Do you have a membership with the local library? I’ve had a membership with the local library since I was about five years old.

5. Do you go to the library more than once a week? I used to go to the library more often. I stock up on books so I don’t usually need to go more than once a week.

6. Would you rather read a book than go out with friends? No. I would rather spend time with friends. They are not always around. I can always find a book.

7. Do you visit the bookstore more often than you do your mother? Yes indeed. Of course, my mother lives 800 miles away, and the bookstore is less than five miles away.

8. Do you wear glasses? If so, was reading the reason you got them? I do wear glasses. I started wearing glasses when I was ten, so I have no idea if reading was the reason I needed them.

9. When asked your favorite hobbies, do you reply with a single word "reading?" Reading is certainly the first thing I list when naming hobbies. I also like to quilt.

10. Have you ever stayed in bed all day reading? Hasn’t everyone??? That would be my ideal day – a good book in bed with maybe a little chocolate once in a while.

Essay question: What book am I currently reading?

I’m currently reading Ex Libris Confessions of a Common Reader by Anne Fadiman. I read it several years ago, and chose it to present to my book group this month. It’s tomorrow night, and I’m still re-reading the book. The book is only about 150 pages, but it is taking a while because I’m reading the notes (marginalia, as Fadiman calls it) that I wrote the last time I read it, as well as adding more marginalia this time. I want to underline almost everything in the book because I want to remember it. Fadiman somehow has captured the essence of much of how I feel about reading.

The book is comprised of 18 essays written by Anne Fadiman and compiled into this book. In the preface she quotes from The Common Reader by Virginia Woolf: "The common reader 'differs from the critic and the scholar. He is worse educated, and nature has not gifted him so generously. He reads for his own pleasure rather than to impart knowledge or correct the opinions of others.' ”

I am a common reader, but I believe the critic and scholar will also benefit from reading this book, and enjoy it at the same time.

Bon Voyage!

I should have mentioned that this is exam week for Travelin’Oma’s writing seminar. Monday’s assignments have been Write Away. Tuesday’s have been Travel Studies – so here’s the final exam for today.

Travel questions:

1. My travel style is to get away from it all. For me that means someplace relaxing, usually with sun (my recent cruise being the exception). I love to travel with my husband, and having friends along really makes a trip great.

2. and 3. The older I get, and the more I travel, I find I can bring fewer clothes. This last trip Ray and I brought one suitcase each. We were able to pack for a week on a cruise, and that included two formal nights. Even when I thought I was cutting back on what I brought, there were clothes I took that I didn’t wear.

4. I read this question two different ways, and I will answer it two different ways. Given the following choices, where would I prefer to travel:

~ Alaska or Tahiti

~ India or China

~ Kenya or Greenland

If you look at this question as A, B, or C, I would choose A. Alaska or Tahiti. I’ve been to both and really enjoyed them. I’m not a high adventure traveler, so these would fit me well.

If you look at the question as choosing between the two in each instance, here’s how I would pick:

~ Tahiti

~China

~ Kenya

5. I like a comfortable hotel, but don’t require a lot. I like it clean, with a comfortable bed. The next requirement is a nice shower. Of course, if given the opportunity, and if I had all the money in the world, I would choose a luxury hotel. Two favorites that I’ve enjoyed: The Salish Lodge in Snoqualmie, Washington, and The Hotel du Rhone in Geneva Switzerland.

6. My food preferences on a holiday are simple. I don’t want to eat really weird stuff, and food is not where I like to throw a lot of money. When we were in Europe, we bought food at the local market and ate that for breakfast and in the evening. We ate a good lunch at a restaurant later in the afternoon, and that worked well.

7. Where I go determines how I travel on a holiday. On a cruise we do a lot of walking in port, or hire cars to take us where we want to go. In Hawaii we either borrow my sister’s car, or rent a car. When we were in Washington DC we used public transportation.

8. and 10. My dream vacation would include a beach that has shade as well as sun, and a pile of books to work my way through while I relaxed near the water. I would occasionally get in and swim to cool off.

9. If I were to be hiking with my friends, it would be an easy hike. Hiking is not really my choice of a fun thing to do.

11. I love amusement parks! I love the “throw-up rides”. Give me a roller coaster and let me scream my heart out any day. I should say I love the rides part of amusement parks. I do not love crowds at all.

12. The only way I would go bungee jumping would be if I were blindfolded and someone pushed me off. I do not like heights at all.

13. When I go camping I like to make my food ahead to bring, then just warm it up when it’s meal time. I like simple meals, but they need to be filling.

14. My favorite memory of road trips with my kids was listening to books on tape. We made several trips without my husband, and the books kept me awake while driving. The one book we listened to each trip was Cheaper by the Dozen, which my children can still quote lines from. We laughed and giggled while listening to that book. We listened to other books also, but that was always the favorite.

15. If I were in Washington DC for a long weekend, I would be torn as to what to do. I would probably spend a day at the Lincoln/Vietnam, etc. Memorials, and the rest of the time at the Smithsonian museums.

Here’s our family story about the Smithsonian Air and Space museum. We went there in 2001 as a family, and my in-laws came too. The kids were 20, 18, 15, and 13. We decided to split up to look at the museum. My husband and son (15) went together, my in-laws took off, and the girls and I decided to explore together. We made plans to meet for lunch in a few hours. Lunchtime arrived and we met as planned. The girls and I were done and ready to hit the art museums. My in-laws were about halfway through. Ray and Ray had never left the first room they entered. Needless to say we split up for the afternoon.

Speaking of Washington DC, that’s where I decided to plan a trip for our assignment. I set the timer and got to work. Hotels were my biggest worry. I don’t have to stay right in the middle of the big tourist area, but I do want to be close to the metro. From our brief stay in DC before, we found the metro to be a wonderful solution for getting around easily. I found a hotel very reasonably priced, only one block from the metro, and close to Capitol Hill that had very high ratings. I found a flight that was convenient on both ends, and was non-stop, which I prefer if the cost is pretty close. I hate sitting around in airports when you could be at your destination, or at home, instead.

To make the best plans for a trip I like more time. I like to savor the planning as well as the trip. I love to be able to go at a moment’s notice, but the best trips are planned in advance, with lots of dream time. I also like to talk to those who have been there many times or who live there to get their input. It’s good to stay in safe areas, with good access to the city’s attractions. I also like to get restaurant recommendations.

Am I right for writing?

Travelin’Oma has posed 10 questions, and we need to answer these questions. Then we’re looking at our answers and see where writing fits into our life.

1. If the power in my house went out, and I was stuck with candles and nothing to do but think, I would find the nearest book and begin reading.

2. If I’m writing and the phone rings, I answer it immediately. Well, maybe I would finish the sentence I was writing if I thought it was a particularly good sentence (which means I would likely answer the phone immediately).

3. If the person calling was a dear friend who wanted to get together for brunch, I’d drop everything and go be with my friend.

4. I’m at the restaurant with my friend and the idea for a fantastic novel pops in my head. I would hunt around for something to write it on – it would be a once in a lifetime occurrence!

5. and 6. I don’t really envision myself as a successful writer in a public forum. I just enjoy writing little things, and on my blog.

7. I figure the biggest benefit of becoming a writer might be to get to know other writers, and pick their brains about how they feel about writing.

8. I read incessantly. I read whenever I can and wherever I can. I am driven to read billboards, and the writing on cars and trucks as they pass me on the highway. I read the labels on the toilet paper in public bathrooms. You name it. If there are words, my mind is processing them.

9. If I have strong opinions about a political issue, I discuss it with my husband or son.

10. If I have an experience that I think would benefit others, I would write about it on my blog.

I love reading what others have written. I am not driven to write at all. I enjoy writing on my blog, and occasionally to express things I feel deeply to my friends.

For a while I was an English major in college. Of course I loved the literature part, but dreaded the writing. Perhaps it’s because of an experience I had in high school. I think it was my junior year in high school. I took a short story literature class from a man who turned out to be one of the best teachers I ever had, but my first writing experience in his class scarred me for a long time.

We read The Open Boat by Stephen Crane, then wrote an essay. I don’t remember the topic, but I remember clearly what happened about two days after we had all turned in our papers. The teacher said he wanted to talk about our writing. He had taken one of the papers turned in, made an overhead transparency out of it, and showed it to the entire class. He had cut out the name, so no one knew who wrote the paper. He then proceeded to criticize the entire paper, sentence by sentence, pointing out every mistake. There were a lot of mistakes. It was my paper. I remember staring at the paper projected on the screen, my face beet red, hoping no one in the class was looking at me. It was humiliating. He was very discreet, and really no other students knew who it was, but I thought I was going to die. After spending the class period criticizing my paper, he passed out everyone’s papers. I got mine back. He wrote something to the effect of the paper deserved an F, but he knew I’d worked too hard on it to give me the F. He gave me a chance to write it over again. I did. I took seriously what he had said, and got a much better grade. That man really helped me learn how to write. But he did not help me learn to love to write.

I’m happy appreciating the hard work of others and the results of their being driven to write. I may not be the perfect candidate to be a writer, but I am the perfect audience for a writer.

Where is my child?

This is in response to Travelin'Oma's writing assignment for today - a subject that hit close to home.

I do not suffer from depression. I have no idea what it feels like. But two of my four children do. So I know what it feels like to be a mom who feels helpless in a sometimes terrifyingly alone way, wondering how to help.

My kids have what I call “adult onset depression”. They did not exhibit depression until they were on their own, in college. Gone were the regular schedules they had at home, regular mealtimes, busy school days, sports and activities—all things that helped them keep going on an even keel.

One of them did college pretty well. It was afterward that it hit. She says she doesn’t remember most of her first year of marriage. After she had her first baby she actually improved (which is counter to most situations). We were so relieved. She was better. But still nowhere near where she should be. The improvement was so exciting that we lost track for awhile that it was still not enough. Four years later she’s doing pretty well. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but the ups are getting to be more and more the norm.

My son went to college and did amazingly well his first semester. Then it hit. No response to the phone, no answering emails. I sent his sister to check on him. He said, “Oh, my phone is dead. I forgot to charge it. I forgot to check my email. I’ve been sick, etc. etc.” It took us so long to figure out that something was really wrong. When you don’t expect it, you don’t look for it. He came home for the summer and said,”Uh, I don’t think my grades will be very good.” I asked how bad. “Really bad,” Failing all classes is really bad. My son is a genius. No exaggeration. So this was a big hint that something was wrong. Why are the parents always the last ones to figure out some of these things??

Five years later we are still figuring things out with him. He’s tried several medications, and seems to be doing pretty well right now. He’s seeing a counselor that is very, very helpful. It was a miracle how we found him. That’s a story for another day. My son has a good job, and does very well at it. He’s anxious to get back to school, and will probably start back a little at a time next semester.

Nothing makes my heart ache more than watching these children (grown-ups now) struggle in this fashion. What happened to my delightful, cheerful, kind and loving children? It is so disheartening to see them unable to get out of bed, or off the couch. To see their countenance so low and dark. To know that they themselves are discouraged beyond belief, and have no idea how to shake it off. Then again, I don’t know what is more heartening than to see improvement and life in their faces and voices again.

I don’t know when I’ve prayed harder for help and guidance than in these situations. Thank heaven for the comfort received from that. Thank heaven for modern medications and the inroads into understanding mental health.

Just writing about this makes me anxious and worried, and I feel like crying. I don’t know if I could write about it if they weren’t on the upside right now. Every day is a prayer that things will continue to be good, and to improve.

Trials while traveling

Travelin'Oma's assignment: have you ever been sick while traveling?

I cannot ever recall being sick while traveling. I do, however, recall having my children get sick. One time was the year we flew to my parents’ house in Western New York for Thanksgiving. We were there for two weeks, and all was well until the last two days before we were scheduled to fly home.

Two of the kids came down with fevers and were throwing up. I was desperate to have them recover. I did not want to fly with sick children, but on the other hand, we had no money to pay for changing our flights. The next day the kids seemed better. We kept our fingers crossed and decided to go home as scheduled.

The day to return home arrived, and the kids seemed fine, if not completely back to their usual rambunctious selves. That was in our favor – five hours of flying with subdued children is a bonus.

In my relief that the two were feeling better, I neglected to notice that my youngest (nearly three) was listless and getting warm. Until we were on the plane, and she was leaning up against me I just thought she was tired. No. She was sick. Right after take-off she laid her head in my lap and threw up. I never saw it coming. I am the queen of getting children to a sink, toilet, or bowl if I have any clue they might vomit. I guess it was the hubbub of travel that blinded me to the fact that she wasn’t doing well.

I cleaned us up as well as possible. I hate the idea of exposing others on a plane to sickness, but it was too late to do anything about it. Before we landed she vomited a couple more times. By the time we got off the plane, gathered our luggage and were headed home we were both a mess.

This is a pretty mild case, I must admit. Thankfully that’s about as bad as I’ve ever had it while traveling.

"How can I do this?"

It's Monday, and we're back in school with Travelin'Oma. Today's assignment was timely.

My good friend Trish’s sister died yesterday. She went to the emergency room 12 days ago in pain. Turned out she had a tumor on her adrenal gland. She had surgery to remove the tumor, and things only got worse from there. Over the next ten days her organs shut down one by one. Finally she stopped showing any brain activity. The doctor said if they took her off the ventilator, she would probably only live a few minutes.

Sunday morning the family had some tender moments with her, then the ventilator was removed, and she passed away five minutes later.

How do you prepare for that? How do you get through that? Last Thursday Trish and I were together, and we asked these questions. At that point things were not looking good for her sister, but we were merely speculating. How do you make unemotional, logical decisions in a highly emotional state? How can you know what’s best?

Trish has experienced hard things. Both of her parents have passed away, and now her sister. Trish is my age. My parents are still living, and all of my siblings are still alive. I was with my ninety-eight-year-old grandmother when she died, but that was different. We had none of those decisions to make—she just died peacefully of old age.

I fervently believe in prayer to guide us through these hard times. But I also strongly believe in learning from the experiences of others. I watch and listen, and hope I learn as my friend navigates these difficult waters. Someday I will call her and ask, “How can I do this?” and I know she will be able to help.

Meanwhile I hope I can at least offer some emotional support in these times. Last night we talked about the good times she’s had with her sister lately. About how wonderful and creative her sister was. How her sister is surely with her parents in the spirit world, maybe even playing “Pounce” like they so loved to do.

This is the part I love about death—remembering all the wonderful things about the ones we love; gathering those memories, and holding them close.

A few illustrators I like

Travelin'Oma has asked for some of our favorite children's book illustrators. Here are three that I really like:

Shirley Hughes. The Alfie books were always a big hit in our house. And we still say "Alfie's Feet" when someone has their shoes on the wrong feet.

Peter Spier. Fun for all ages, and particularly great for kids who don't read but sure can follow a story in pictures. I don't know if you can ever see all he has in his pictures. A family favorite was The Fox Went Out on a Chilly Night.

Tomie de Paola. One of my all time favorites. Here are three of my favorite books of his. Now One Step, Now Another makes me cry everytime I read it. It is such a tender story.

First Snow of the Year

Travelin'Oma got me thinking about some cozy things...

We had our first real snow of the year today. Luckily I didn't really have to go anywhere, so I stayed home. I love days like this.

If I could spend a rainy or snowy day any way that I wanted, I would spend it in one of two ways.

Passively: Read my heart out. Hot herbal tea (Ruby Mist is my preferred), and maybe some good chocolate at hand.

Actively: I'd most likely sew. Turn on a good, old movie that I love, and quilt away. It needs to be a movie that I'm familiar with so I can really get some sewing in and still be able to follow the movie. Meet Me in St. Louis, Notting Hill, Mamma Mia, You've Got Mail, 27 Dresses, Much Ado About Nothing, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice. Any old Judy Garland movie. Several Disney movies would work also.

From now until Christmas, my absolute favorite thing to do would be to watch White Christmas with my girls (read how I love this movie here). We would hunker down on the couch armed with some good hot chocolate, and each with our own bowl of custom buttered and salted popcorn. The real thing, not microwaved or hot-air-popped. Well, maybe Beth would have something else. (Girlies - let's set a date!)

Breaking up is hard to do

Travelin'Oma week 9, day 1. Read here, and you'll understand more where this came from.

Ever sent a letter that I regret? No.

Ever say something that I regret? More times than there are stars in the sky.

I started dating my first boyfriend the summer before I went to BYU. One day we had this conversation:

Him: I really admire you for going through with this

Me: With what?

Him: Going to BYU

Me (incredulously): Why in the world wouldn’t I go to BYU?!?

I belatedly realized he might want me to stick around. What I thought, but didn’t say (for once), was, “In your dreams I would stay here – I’ve waited too long for this opportunity.”

He was invited to drive with me and my parents to drop me off at BYU. My future husband Ray also came along – he happened to need a ride (at that time there was not remotely a romantic relationship between me and Ray). We stopped for the night in Las Vegas. My parents and I slept in the motor home, and the boys slept outside. The boyfriend said to Ray, “Take care of Diane for me, okay?” Ray said he’d be happy to oblige.

The rest is history. Ray and I started hanging out, then dating, then spending all our time together. After a month it was obvious the old boyfriend was on the outs, and Ray was in to stay. I had to call and break it off with the “boyfriend.” I was so anxious that I had to get it over with quickly. Here’s how the conversation began:

Me: Hi. I have bad news. It’s about you and me.

It all went downhill (for him) from there. I know it was brutal, but it was done!

Diane and Ray, Fall 1975

Where was I when...

Travelin'Oma week 8 day 5

JFK died?

I remember watching the funeral on TV at home in our family room. I was six. Mainly I remember how quiet and intent my parents seemed to be.

records.viu.ca

Man landed on the moon?

I was in Mayville, NY at my grandmother's house. I posted about it here.

Reagan was shot?

I was teaching fourth grade at Riverton Elementary School in Riverton, UT. The custodian poked his head in my classroom and declared: Ronald Reagan has been shot! I asked if Reagan was still alive. Yes. We gathered the fourth grade classes together and watched the news. I remember telling my students to pay attention - it would be something important that they should remember.

uselectionatlas.com

The September 11, 2001 attack on the Twin Towers occurred?

I was teaching early morning seminary in Kirkland, WA. A few minutes before 6:30 a.m., my teaching partner came in and asked if I'd seen the plane that had crashed into one of the Twin Towers. I had no idea what she was talking about. She'd seen it on CNN before she came to seminary.

It was my turn to drive the carpool to the high school. As we drove the news came on and said there had been another crash. At this point people still didn't really know what was happening. My husband called and asked if I had the news on. I said yes. I told the kids in my car that this would be a major event in their lives. It was all I could do to keep from crying. I dropped the kids off and drove home as quickly as I could.

When I arrived at home I simply stood and stared at the television replaying over and over the events of the morning. Ray filled me in on what he'd heard. Then we learned about the pentagon. Then the plane that went down in Pennsylvania. We watched newsmen and their crew trying to find out what had happened - cloths over their faces, trying to breathe without inhaling all the smoke and debris.

I felt stunned. It was hard to go about doing a normal routine. I remember US flags being flown in our neighborhood. By that evening flags were everywhere - on houses, in store windows, and on many, many cars that were driving around.

In the days and weeks that followed I marveled at all the people who put their own lives on hold to go and help. One man in the south packed up his barbecue business, put it on a trailer, and drove to New York. Daily he fed those who were helping - searching through the debris in hopes of finding loved ones, or the loved ones of others. It was an affirmation that we are a country that pulls together in time of need.

It still makes me cry to think of it. I remember it well, and I will never be the same.

washingtonpost.com

The road to success is paved with life skills

Travelin'Oma week 8, day 4.

It is essential that we teach our children how to be self-sufficient. It builds confidence as they see they can function in the world around them.

By the time my kids were about eight we joked that we could leave them home alone while we went on vacation, and that they’d probably do better without us. Contrast that with a 17 year old I knew who had never made brownies, or cookies, or macaroni and cheese. Pampering children and doing everything for them stunts their growth. In fact, I think it handicaps them in an already tough world to get along in.

Here are a few basic skills I think everyone needs to know to face an adult world (in no particular order):

1. Money – keep track of it, put some in savings, know how to balance a checkbook, write a check, avoid debt. Dave Ramsey has an excellent course on finances (see Financial Peace University.)

2. Food – how to prepare it, plan and shop for meals, how to eat in a healthy manner.

3. Dress for success – by this I mean know appropriate dress codes for some basic situations – work, school, job interview, church, etc.

4. Work – learn and employ a good work ethic.

5. Clean – all the basics. A clean environment is a peaceful environment.

6. Laundry – sort, wash, dry, know how to use a Laundromat, know what needs to go to the dry cleaners.

7. Phone skills – how to make an appointment, how to leave a message, how to answer the phone in a polite manner.

8. Interpersonal skills – look people in the eye when talking to them, know how to strike up a conversation, conflict resolution (how to work things out with others).

This is by no means a comprehensive list. But it is a list of skills that can be introduced at a very young age, and can be improved and added to as the child gets older.

The best legacy you can give your children is the knowledge of how to get along in the world, and the confidence to do so.

Made to order books

TravelinOma week 8, day 3

Last week in my book group we talked a little about books that we read when we were young, and then read again when we were adults. Some of the books we still love, some of them we didn’t like when young, but enjoy now. Our perspectives have changed, and sometimes an adult slant on a book changes how we feel about it.

Two examples for me: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle. When I was in about fourth grade it would have been brand new, and everyone I knew loved it. I must have tried to read that book a dozen times, and never could get through it. I read it for a class in college and couldn’t put it down. The deeper themes in the book stood out to me then, and the surface story slid to the background. The other book is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. I read it as a young teen and thought it was okay. As an adult I really appreciated it and looked at the story from more than just Francie’s point of view. I was a lot more sympathetic with her mother when I was older and had children of my own. And I just loved Francie’s aunt (I forget her name).

So if I could have a book custom written for me, would it have staying power? I think it’s possible because I certainly still love and can reread many books. As I think of an ideal book, there are only a few things I could be specific about requesting.

1. I want a happy ending. The whole book doesn’t have to be happy – I enjoy conflict and twists in a plot – but I want a satisfying ending. And to me that means happy. Not being shocked by a sudden death. Maybe that’s just my stage in life right now. It’s been my stage for awhile.

2. I want honest writing. I can’t stand feeling manipulated by a writer into an emotional reaction. In fact, most of the time it doesn’t work on me, but once in a while it happens, and it makes me mad. I either abandon the book immediately, or if I finish the book, I abandon the author. And that’s saying something. I am loyal to writers and read all I can find that they’ve written – if they deserve it.

3. If it could be a historical novel, that would be nice.

4. I want a long novel. There’s nothing worse than finishing a book and wanting it to be another 200 or 300 pages long because it was so delicious. Of course, this begs the question whether it would still be so delicious if you had a lot more of it, or if you’d be sick of it. I’ll take my chances. I sure didn’t get tired of Gone With the Wind (which by the way did not truly meet criteria number 1, but was so superior that it was okay). There are many other “meaty” novels that I have loved over the years.

Many, many of the books I have read and loved have not met these criteria. Many have been sad. Many have been short. Many have not been historical. But all of them have had honest writing.

Several years ago Orson Scott Card was doing a book signing at a local bookstore. My son Ray was dying to meet him. The two of us went to the signing. When we arrived at the store a worker warned us: the line moved slowly, but that was because OSC spent time talking with each person in line. That was well worth waiting for! When we finally got to the front Ray posed the question, “Would you ever be willing to write a commissioned book for a million dollars?” (side note – as Ray was growing up his dream was to have enough money that he could just hire all the authors he loved to write specifically for him.) OSC said something to the effect of, “You don’t want a book that’s written by commission. A truly good book comes straight from the writer’s imagination and heart.” Then he laughed and joked, “Besides, a million isn’t enough. I’m a whore, but not a cheap one. It would take a lot more money than that.”

We spent a few more minutes chatting while he signed our books. It made me think that as tempting as it would be to commission books, I think Orson Scott Card had a valid point. What we love springs from the heart of the writer – it somehow gives us a tiny glimpse of that heart through the story. We become more because we’ve got a little piece of the writer in us.

Cruise continued: Halifax and Sydney, Nova Scotia

One schoolwork option from Travelin'Oma today was timely for me: take photos from a recent trip and put them into a collage, or scrapbook. Here's my blog scrapbook with our meager photos for days 3 and 4 of our cruise...

Remember how I mentioned the law of diminishing photographs on our trips? Here we go with fewer and fewer shots of the cruise.

Monday Oct 5: we stopped in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Halifax has had some very interesting events happen there, and it was fun for me to learn more about it. I had no idea that Halifax had such a rich maritime history. Here are a couple of things I learned about Halifax:

1. Halifax was one of the first to respond to the Titanic. It sent out rescuers immediately. Several of the Titanic victims are buried in Halifax.

2. Halifax Harbor had a gigantic explosion on December 6, 1917. The SS Mont-blanc was loaded with war munitions, and it collided with a Norwegian ship in the harbor. A huge section of the town was decimated. About 2000 people died, and over 9000 were injured. Boston was one of the first cities to respond and send help. Several people came from Boston and stayed for several months, helping in the rebuilding of the town. To this day, Halifax sends an enormous Christmas tree to Boston every year in thanks. The lucky person whose tree is chosen travels to Boston with the group who gives the tree. You can learn more about this explosion here.

3. Halifax is home to one of the only (perhaps the only)remaining Corvettes. Not the car, the ship that was used to escort fleets across the Atlantic during the war. At one time there were about 250 of them. We toured the HMCS Sackville. It is set up like a museum, so we could see the various quarters for the crew and officers. Tight quarters. A career in the navy is not for one with claustrophobia.

Diane and Ray on a gun turret of the HMCS Sackville.

Ray and Diane in the Halifax Maritime Museum - next to the Madeleine

4. Halifax has a crystal works - when Waterford Crystal closed, many of its glass blowers came to Halifax. We spent a long time watching them blow glass that would later become beautiful bowls. It was fascinating. Marsha got lots of pictures. We got none. If you want to see what they produce, you can look here.

Tuesday we docked in Sydney, Nova Scotia. At the port entry there is a giant fiddle. Go figure. We never figured out why it was there, but we did find out it was commissioned especially for the port entry. Hmmm. You can see that it's taller than the two story building behind it.

Welcome to Sydney

A lovely shot of the deck of the ship, and a miniscule shot of Diane. Not unlike a "Where's Waldo" illustration.

There you have it. All of our pictures of Sydney.

We did wander around the city a bit. Marsha, Tamara and I ended up at a small Anglican church not very far from the harbor. It turns out that it was the garrison church for the island, so when any royalty visited, that's where they attended church. We sat where Queen Elizabeth, Prince Philip, and the Queen Mum have sat. We saw the chair donated by Lord Nelson so that there would be an appropriate chair there for visiting church dignitaries. The lovely woman who told us about the church pointed out their very tiny pipe organ. She told us where it was made. She told us it was a baby version of the big pipe organ in Salt Lake City, Utah. By any chance had we heard of that organ? Yes, we told her, we knew of that organ. Had we ever seen it? Yes, we had all seen it. Talk about understated. She invited us to play the little organ. I thought to myself that I'll never get a chance to play the Tabernacle Organ, so I should jump at the chance to play its little miniature (very miniature) version. I played it! It was too bad my kids weren't there - they really know how to play it. Marsha took a video of me playing it, and some photos. I did not have my camera with me.

Each night Ray and I took advantage of the Thermal Spa on board the ship. They had these lounge chairs that were heated:

We relaxed on those lounge chairs and read. Then we hopped into the hot tub and relaxed for awhile. After the hot tub we got into the "massage showers". Talk about luxury.

Every night we relaxed there - it was the perfect end to every day.

Anyone? Anyone?

Travelin'Oma week 8, day 1 - the mysteries of blogging - feel free to give any answers you may have...

I’m 52 years old. I am an intelligent woman in many ways, but sometimes my moron persona comes to the front. I’m a moron in many practical matters of life.

Make-up for example. Most young teenage girls experiment with how to put on make-up with their girlfriends. I missed that boat completely. Did I have no friends? If I did, were they already savvy, and didn’t need to experiment? I don’t remember the details, but I do remember the fact: no help from friends in the make-up department. As a result I almost never wore make-up. I still don’t wear much. The obvious solution would be to go to a department store and ask for help. I did do that eventually, but was put off for a long time by make-up artists that looked like clowns. I did not want to have my make-up look like theirs. Finally one day in Nordstrom I found a woman working at the Clinique counter about my own age, who had make-up on that I felt looked tasteful. She was a big help. What took me so long??

I seem to go along in life not daring to make a change unless it is absolutely called for, or somehow falls in my lap. Sad but true.

Thus goes my life as a blogger. I blog for a few reasons.

1. It’s my avenue to review the books I read. I don’t give long, expert critical reviews. I just write what I like/don’t like about a book.

2. I write about my life and family –sort of a journal for me.

3. Once in a while I toss out some thoughts I have. Good or bad, there they are.

4. One time I was brave enough to take an online School Days course to help my writing.

What else do I know about blogging? Not much, but here are a few things:

1. I decided I wanted to blog for the above reasons (well, reasons 1, 2, and 3 – 4 came along later). I said to one daughter – how do I set it up? She helped me.

2. I see a blog I like and say to another daughter – can you make my blog look good? She says yes, and does (and a new look will be coming soon).

3. I venture forth and look at other blogs. It took me a long time to discover Google Reader. Longer to know that if I clicked on a reference in a blog it would take me to the reference.

Blogging is another one of those practical areas of life that I am a moron in. I would love a “Blogger’s Etiquette.” Even more, I’d like a “Blogger’s Basics.” I’ve looked online – most blogging helps are about writing, and how to write well. I want to know how to navigate a blog. Mine. The performance perfection can come later.

Here are some random questions that I would like answered in a basic tutorial:

1. Beginner’s technical manual – what options are available? How do I know which options I want? How do I get to where the options are to know what to choose (we’re talking basic here)?

2. Do bloggers really want comments from someone they don’t know at all? I know I like the comments, but am I normal (a question I ask myself often, but I digress…)?

3. How do I answer a comment if someone makes a comment on my blog? Do I respond in another comment, or is there a way to contact them so they don’t have to come back to see if I responded?

4. How do I make a link on my blog? (I’ve just learned how to do that. Sort of. In very specific situations.)

5. Just because I read someone’s blog, is it necessary to formally become a follower?

These questions are just the tip of the iceberg. I am sure there are questions I don’t even know that I need to ask about yet. I guess that means there may need to be an “Intermediate Blogger’s Guide” published in the future also. For people like me who need practical help.

My most influential teacher

Travelinoma week 7, day 5. This brought back some interesting memories. I need to write more about Mrs. Naus another time...

I remember elementary school fondly. I remember the names of all my teachers, and lots of my classmates. I’d like to share a brief encounter with my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Naus, which changed my life. But before I do that, I need to share an embarrassing story about myself in fourth grade.

My fourth grade teacher was Mrs. Guenther. My best friend Teresa and I were teacher’s pets. She gave us special projects to do all the time. We spent a lot of time in the school library doing those projects. As I look back now, I think she mostly gave us a lot of extra things to do to keep us busy and not talking and disrupting the class when we had all our work done. (I was a big talker even way back then.) So, my confidence in fourth grade was sky high.

The Wizard of Oz, June 1967

Dorothy (Teresa), Cowardly Lion, Tin Man, Scarecrow (me)

In the spring Mrs. Guenther decided to have the class do a play. We did The Wizard of Oz. My friend Teresa was Dorothy. I was the Scarecrow. All went well until the final performance. Mrs. Guenther had instructed the cast to repeat their lines if the audience laughed during the performance, so that everyone could hear the lines. At one point in the play one person in the audience laughed during Dorothy’s line. Picture now a heated conversation between Dorothy and the Scarecrow (Teresa and me) on stage in a very loud whisper:

Me: Repeat your line.

Teresa: Why?

Me: Someone laughed.

Teresa: No one laughed, everyone could hear. You say your line.

Me: No. You say yours.

The Great Standoff: Dorothy and the Scarecrow

This continued for what seemed like at least five minutes while the entire cast stood and waited for us to proceed. The mom who was prompting lines was practically shouting the next line. I would not say it. Teresa would not repeat her line. It was every teacher’s worst nightmare. Finally I saw our teacher walking up toward the stage from the audience. I whispered, “Here comes Mrs. Guenther. You better repeat your line.” She did. The show went on.

I didn’t think much about the whole thing until the next year. One day Mrs. Naus was talking about an upcoming class performance, and she looked me straight in the eye and said something to the effect of, “And this year we will have no one stubbornly holding up the show.” It was an eye-opener to me. Someone had noticed?? And remembered?? I was embarrassed, and made some loud comment about how it wasn’t really my fault that that had happened.

Sometime later in the school year Mrs. Naus asked me to stay after school one afternoon. She sat me down and said, “I need to talk to you about something very important.” I had no idea what was coming. Mrs. Naus very seriously told me that I needed to learn to accept criticism graciously. I was mortified, and protested loudly that I did not have a problem accepting criticism. She quietly talked to me for a long time. As I look back, I recall that she spoke to me like I was an adult, not talking down to me at all. She told me that I was mature and intelligent, and wonderful to be around, but that I did have one major fault, and that was that I did not do well with criticism. She told me that if I could learn to be gracious when criticized, not only would others look on me more positively, but I would feel much better about myself. I walked home alone after that conversation, burning with shame the whole way.

It was the best lesson any teacher ever taught me. Hard as it was, I struggled to be gracious when corrected. For years I thought of Mrs. Naus every time someone criticized me. Sometimes I still do. It was my first step in realizing the virtue of humility. Thank heavens she had the insight to see that fault in me, and cared enough about me to help me along a difficult path to overcome that weakness. I am a different, and I think better, person because of her.

She’s a great part of the reason I became a teacher myself.

Roberta Naus, 1967